How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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