Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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