I seem to have left my pride at pride
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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