but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
