pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
its liver damage thursday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
