After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
