Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
