Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
