I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
