are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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