I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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