she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
