why didn't you poke me back
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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