At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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