Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
