I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if only i could text you this smell
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
