remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize