Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
