ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize