I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
