You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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