i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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