just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
