My friends, they love my intelligence
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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