put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
