she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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