i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Quick, to the slutcave!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
