I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
