The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
