why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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