I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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