Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
