seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
