its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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