I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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