My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
