this just has baby written all over it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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