I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So vagazzling was a success
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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