Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just invented taco cereal.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
