that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
