Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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