So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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