I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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