Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
