I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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