The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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