Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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