I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
