If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize