i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is the high leading the old right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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