I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
