Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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