and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
