the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize