p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
