I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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