I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
