I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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