woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Terrible idea I love it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
