1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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