Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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