Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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