tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
