Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
