I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When did angry sex become our thing?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
