Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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