my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
