You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
