Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
